Monday, November 17, 2008

Honesty is the Best Policy

For the past seven months I have been struggling with depression. Sadly, I am just now starting to come to grips with that.

I thought that the depression would come immediately after having Zachariah. I had read up on postpartum depression, so I was prepared for it. Days, weeks, and even months went by, and I was just fine. But around his seventh month birthday, depression slowly started trickling into my life. I guess staying at home with virtually no adult contact during the day eventually got to me. I didn't want to admit that I was feeling depressed. I thought it was a sign of weakness. I didn't want people to think less of me. I didn't want people to think I was a bad mom.

So I kept ignoring it, thinking it would get better with time. Until just a couple weeks ago when a friend called me out on it. For the first time, I actually admitted I was suffering from postpartum depression. Talking with someone who has gone through this before has made a world of difference. For the first time in months I went a whole week without having an emotional breakdown. I enjoyed myself and my time with my family immensely. It was great to be myself again.

Don't get me wrong... I still have my moments. And I am sure it is not going to be smooth sailing from here on out. I am really going to have to work at this. I may eventually even need medication. But for now, I just need to talk about it. And so far it has helped.

So yeah. That's what is going on in my life right now. And if you guys don't mind, I think I may try to post about this more often. This "being real" thing is actually really satisfying. :)


Marie Keefe said...

I don't mind at all hearing everything going on in your life.. not that i don't talk to you about it anyway.

jamie b said...

thanks for just laying it all out there girl! we women and moms gotta stick together! my postpartum was at the beginning so i can identify a little. i hate you are struggling with this, but i now know how i can pray for you! :) wish i was still in albany so we can have adult time together. i definitely know how it feels to be lonely. guess it's the downside to raising kids at home.

tammi said...

Maybe you would feel better if Daniel just gave you your credit card back.

TOTALLY JOKING on that one.
I crack myself up.

Seriously though, I'm glad you've "realized" it - how's that go? Admitting you have a problem is the first step....LOL :) Joking again.

I'm really not trying to make light of it (you KNOW how I feel about it - ahem), so I'll just end my blathering by saying good on ya - Hope you're emerging from the dark clouds. The light is a much happier place. :) See you there soon...

Emily said...

I dealt with the same thing after I had my first. Sitting at the house all day with a child that doesn't talk back and isn't old enough to get out and do a bunch of kids things will take it's toll. I never got medication but looking back, I probably should have. I came out of it on my own around her 1st birthday...just about the time I found out I was pregnant again :) When Ally was born, I had none of it. With two at home to keep me super busy, I wasn't bored all day (which I found I was with the first). No time for boredum, too much to do. I really think it will get better as he gets just a little older.
I go to a playgroup every thursday that i'd love you to come with me too! it's more for the moms than the kids..and Z could play with other kids his age. let me know if you're interested and I'll get you a schedule. love to have you!

Amy Lynn said...

I am glad to know I am not the only one. :) Thanks for your comments ladies!

And Emily, I have tried to get involved with a playgroup a month or so ago, but Z is still taking two naps a day. So the timing would never work out. But if you want to get me a schedule feel free to email me at and I can see if it works with the napping! :)

Lyndi Soles said...

hi! Trust me when I say, it is real!! I didn't realize I had it until Grant was about 10 weeks old. I went to the doctor, had a complete meltdown crying on his shoulder, and he gave me a mild medication. It has really leveled me out- I'm a very emotional person anyway. I hate that there isn't more talk about the "disease", becuase I think more women than not go through this. And, it's nothing to be ashamed of! Imagine what your body goes through to make such a miracle!! And, your hormones are going crazy after delivery. I've read you can have PP for at least a year after delivery. Just cope the best way you know how- and good for you to realize what is going on!!