For the past seven months I have been struggling with depression. Sadly, I am just now starting to come to grips with that.
I thought that the depression would come immediately after having Zachariah. I had read up on postpartum depression, so I was prepared for it. Days, weeks, and even months went by, and I was just fine. But around his seventh month birthday, depression slowly started trickling into my life. I guess staying at home with virtually no adult contact during the day eventually got to me. I didn't want to admit that I was feeling depressed. I thought it was a sign of weakness. I didn't want people to think less of me. I didn't want people to think I was a bad mom.
So I kept ignoring it, thinking it would get better with time. Until just a couple weeks ago when a friend called me out on it. For the first time, I actually admitted I was suffering from postpartum depression. Talking with someone who has gone through this before has made a world of difference. For the first time in months I went a whole week without having an emotional breakdown. I enjoyed myself and my time with my family immensely. It was great to be myself again.
Don't get me wrong... I still have my moments. And I am sure it is not going to be smooth sailing from here on out. I am really going to have to work at this. I may eventually even need medication. But for now, I just need to talk about it. And so far it has helped.
So yeah. That's what is going on in my life right now. And if you guys don't mind, I think I may try to post about this more often. This "being real" thing is actually really satisfying. :)